Wouldn't we all!

OK, seriously, I almost threw this one into the trash (it sounds like it should be in my ads section, and not in the advice section!!), but this question brings up some good points. I receive E-mails all of the time propositioning me, asking for sessions, and more, and generally ignore them. What about the ones that I don't ignore, though? What makes them different? Here are some do's and don'ts when trying to attract a submissive, a dominant, or a partner.

1. You MUST give something in your inquiry. If you look at the question above, it does not tell anything about Don, though he may be the greatest guy on the planet. How would any prospective partner know this? This ad only talks about what he wants, not about what he has to give. It actually sounds pretty self centered and shallow with the focus on what he wants. This is not meant to slam Don, as this is not what this site is about. It is meant as constructive criticism, which I have the right to do on my site. -smile-

2. Don't focus on body type. We are all different, and by limiting yourself in your ad, you knock out those that think that 2 pounds makes them overweight and undesirable. Leave the physical for later, when you are actually communicating. I once placed an ad for a submissive, and talked with a guy that sounded great. I told him NOT to send a photo, as I did not care what he looked like, but what he had inside. A couple of weeks later, he sent a photo. While extremely attractive, he did not make the cut, as he placed too much value on physical aspects of who he was (not to mention disobeying an important order). If you outline the perfect woman in your ad, all you are doing is slamming the door on possibly a not-so-perfect woman that might be YOUR perfect partner. It seems everyone in the world is attracted to the perfect Barbie doll figures, long legs, and a lot of great physical aspects, but in searching for these, people tend to forget to look deeper.

3. Don't expect! I was once asked to lecture on how to get and keep a sub, and this was my biggest focus. If you EXPECT someone to be a certain way or to change for you, prepare to be disappointed. If you expect that the 110 pound beauty you married will stay perfect through three kids and 10 years, think again. To those that expect a perfect submissive or dominant in looks or actions, look inside and in the mirror first and ask yourself if YOU are perfect, and switch your focus. Instead of being disappointed in what people are NOT, be joyous in what they ARE. A partner is not just going to appear out of the blue and be everything in the world that you desire. They are going to have nasty habits, maybe a few extra pounds (or too few), be in the mood at different times, leave socks on the floor, snore, fart and generally be human. For some reason, this lifestyle seems to attract people that think they can find a complacent submissive to bend to their every whim. What serious players find out quickly is that the submissive is in a position of power, and this is not about what the DOM thinks they want, but more about what the submissive needs in their world. If this sounds strange, then you are approaching the lifestyle with the wrong attitude. Submission is a gift, not a right, and you must give in order to receive submission from anyone. For ANYONE coming into this lifestyle, I highly recommend the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon. It talks about what is real and what is not.

Here's an example of what I feel is a better way to attract a submissive:

If the submissive in you fantasizes about being a sex slave, penis worshipper, and exhibitionist, the Dom in me fantasizes about helping you with these things. I'm new to the lifestyle, but am sincere, willing to learn as you learn, be open, build trust and explore together, with your safety and well-being first and foremost in all exploration. I prefer to explore with real females, as I am very hetero. I'm well proportioned, and would be very attracted to one who is also pretty well proportioned, though I'm not expecting a Barbie doll because I'm certainly not a Ken doll.