my fiance and i are both into the s&m scene when we're alone together. trouble is that he's submissive, and so am i. how can we both get what we want+/need?
This is a tough situation for both partners. My first suggestion: Trade off! Make it a game, or each of you take a certain night. Make it understood that the roles are firm for that time period. You both may have to do a bit of 'topping from the bottom' but with enough communication, you should be able to have a playful and fulfilling relationship.
A lot of people are naturally dominant or naturally submissive, so it may be hard for them to step into that role. If this is the case with either of you, you may want to seriously consider outside parties. **Important note here: Make sure your relationship can stand up to that!!! If you are secure in your relationship, you should be able to establish guidelines for outside play that make each of you more comfortable if that is a direction that you choose to try. Examples: Agreeing that there is no sex between the outside dominant and the submissive. Maybe finding a dominant couple that you can both visit together and make it a foursome. Of course, make sure that you both have safe-calls in place when meeting Dominants for the first time and until you completely trust them! How about getting involved in public groups and attending parties? There is much more control and safety in a situation like this, and each of you should be able to negotiate scenes with others attending the parties and watch to make sure your partner is OK. After the play sessions with others, go home and connect-reaffirm your love for each other. Getting what you need may not always be possible with your partner, but can be possible with excellent communication, an open mind and lots of caution.
