I am looking for some help for my wife and myself. My wife recently told me that she believes that she is bisexual and has been thinking about being with a woman for a long time. She says that she wants to try a threesome, we have talked about to tremendous length and have decided this is something we both would enjoy. Our problem is how do you go about finding a third for the "party"? We have fairly conservative friends so I think that is out of the question. There is a lesbien bar in our area but we need a bi female. What do you have to offer that might help.
First, try to avoid lesbian bars. The general consensus among hard-core lesbians is that bi women are those that cannot make up their minds. In general, couples coming into these bars are avoided because women that frequent these places know that the couple is usually looking for a third partner. If you meet a true lesbian, she would probably not want a man involved in her encounter, either, which would defeat the purpose of a threesome.
My first resource suggestion would be in the world of swinging. I have 5 or 6 listed in my links section, and there are plenty more out there even in remote areas. Do a search on swinging that includes the state you are in and if it is very remote, plan on taking some trips. Be thorough in your communications and ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS!!
Here is a personal story that hopefully you can learn from: I was not yet 20, living alone, and REALLY wanted to do more partying with couples. I started looking through some ads and communicating with some people in my area by mail (there was no such thing as E-mail back then-Goddess! I feel old!). I communicated with a couple that seemed very nice, but when I asked them their weight on the phone, the subject was changed. I wish I had insisted, because I was shocked at what arrived. I made a mistake that could have been much more disastrous and invited them to my apartment because they seemed so nice in the letters and on the phone. I waited with excitement, and when the couple arrived, I felt and heard them on the stairs. Each of them was well over three hundred pounds! It turned out that I had fun with them, but I've seen people that would look at someone that large and hurt their feelings or exclude them because of it. My point is, you must be very cautious about who you allow into your home or allow your spouse and possibly yourself to become intimate with.
Safety concerns for the actual meeting: Just as in the BDSM scene, I would highly recommend a safe call. That is, a trusted friend that knows where both of you are going and who you are going to be with that has instructions to call the police or some other response if the pre-arranged safe-call is not made. Call once when you arrive to meet the person, once when you have actually met the person so that they know that someone knows where you are, once when taking leave of the person, and once when safely in your car or far enough away from the meeting place to get to a payphone. While the chances of something violent happening are less with a couple than a single, this IS ALWAYS something that you should be aware of when answering or placing ads or meeting through the internet or magazines. One of the things I hear most often is the weight complaint, and the complaint that a 'woman' on the internet actually turned out to be a man posing as a woman.
Swinging in itself is an interesting proposition, because you, as a couple, have to try to figure out what your limits are as far as jealousy, physical characteristics, allowable activities, condoms, etc. Swinging will weaken a rocky relationship, so you both must be honest with each other about this. If there are jealousy issues, this would be the time most likely that they rear their ugly heads. Don’t let this completely sound like the voice of doom here, as it can also be very rewarding. Take your time, communicate a LOT with potential partners, and make sure THEIR limits are respected. A lot of women go into threesomes only with the thought of being with another woman, and did not bargain for the hubby in that package. You two must decide if this is going to be OK or if it is an 'all or nothing' deal. Having done all of that...
The next step would be swinging magazines, private swinging clubs, ads on sites like mine, etc. There are a lot of resources out there-start with the local search and widen it if you do not find the right person. After all, there are quite a few women out there that have the fantasy to be with a really cool couple.
