Hi!
I've got a slight problem, and I'm hoping that you can help?
I've only recently been persuing my intrest in the BDSM lifestyle. Though I've been interested in it for years, I've always just shoved in to the back of my mind and ignored it. But for some reason, now, I just don't want to supress it anymore.
I've discussed my desires to be a submissive, and my want for a Dominant, with my husband, and he's simply not interested. I knew before talking with him, that he's just not the dominant type, but I thought I would give it a go anyway.
I guess my question is:
Is there a way to get him "into" it?
OR...
If he continues to refuse to even consider it, what should I do?
Thanks in advance,
curious
Dear Curious,
You need to have open communication with your husband. It looks like you have tried, but have you talked with him about how important it is to you? You might have to do some soul searching before getting into this conversation. Only you can determine the importance of this particular aspect of your sexuality, as NOBODY is going to be the 'be all and end all' partner. Sometimes you can have great sex, but he's a slob or farts too much. Or... perfect in every way, but does not flip your 'hot' switch. Is he open to you exploring with another person? If he's jealous of guys, maybe he would be OK with a woman. A lot of Mistresses like to play with women. :) Get involved with a BDSM group, and bring him to a party with you. Allow him to watch while you play, and let him see how much it turns you on. You might try asking him to do it for you, and offer something HE wants in return (full body massage, great blowjob). You could have fantasy nights, where you have your fantasy fulfilled one night, and his the next.
The point is, in marriage, you accept the other person for who they are. If he is simply not wired that way, there's nothing you can do to force him. Not knowing how he feels about bringing others into the mix, my suggestions may be way off for you. In your next heart to heart, ask him to HELP you to either explore or alleviate these feelings. Maybe when he realizes how important they are to you, he'll at least try to be open to it. As open as I am, I believe in the sanctity of a relationship, whatever the boundaries. If your desires lead you to think about having an affair, lying or cheating, you should think long and hard about the relationship before you take these steps to hurt your signifigant other.
